Archive | Sexual Assalt RSS for this section

Losing Virginity

I am 46, in the ER having tests done to me. My mind hears and understands everything but my body cannot respond. They won’t let me get off of the gurney for anything! “Judith, we need a urine sample.”
“Can’t I just go sit on the toilet?”
“No.  You’re not strong enough.”  Laying on my back is the most painful position and I fight to keep my breasts covered.  I lift my head and look down; Two women are holding my legs, each one has a thigh in a lock hold, knees bent.  There is blood on my thighs.  They are all facing each other, laughing and talking to each other with the center focus being my vagina.  “Judith you’re going to feel a little sting….”
I lay my head back, close my eyes…
I am in my 14th summer at our cabin on the lake we go to every summer.  It’s raining so hard it knocked out the electricity but I can still see them.  Only the cute boy I’ve been swimming with all summer and myself are completely naked. The two, other boys I’ve never seen before, they are holding my legs, each one has a thigh in a lock hold, knees bent.  They’re all whispering, giggling amongst each other.  They’re all looking “down there” as the cute boy shoves his little penis into me.  It’s too tight to go in but I cannot move.  Just then what feels like a hot poker being shoved into my lower belly, my mouth gasps like a vortex, sucking in air.  The pain is nothing like I’ve ever felt before.  The cute boys’ hand goes over my mouth and that’s the last my mouth will be free for a long time.
Back in the ER.  “Judith, you need to keep your knees apart….” The oxygen mask I’m wearing feels more like it’s suffocating me than giving me air.  I barely raise my head and crack open my eyes.  Everyone is having a conversation with each other around my vagina, there is blood on my thighs.  All fades out again.
Back in the cabin.   The cute boy was humping me so fast that he didn’t even seem to notice when he fell out of me.  Now it feels like he’s poking my sore lips with a small, hard stick over and over and over again.  His hip bones are grinding on my hip bones and it hurts like hell but I cannot scream with his hand over my mouth.  
In the ER: this woman spilled something when she opened a package; I feel a warm liquid running all over me. The women all giggle but don’t release any pressure on the holds they have on my legs.
In the cabin: Suddenly, the cute boy stops his maniacal humping and it feels like he’s going to the bathroom all over me.  The boys all quietly giggle amongst themselves.  I thought they would all leave now but before I even understand what’s happening, the cute boy trades places with the one holding my left leg who’s pants are off.  He covers my mouth with his hand.  He has a harder time shoving his penis into me and when it finally does go, I feel another hot burn, deep inside of me.  I try screaming but my mouth is gagged.  I feel like I’m going to throw up.
In the ER: “…I should have known this wasn’t going to to work, it’s been one of those days.  Hold on Judith, I need to try to insert this tube again…”  it isn’t the pain and stinging I expect but it does make my head snap up off of the gurney.  There’s no reason to cry, my closed eyes tell me there’s a hand over my mouth.  I’m sure I’m going to throw up.
Cabin:  This boy didn’t take nearly as long as the cute boy and before I could make sense of what was going on, it felt like this boy was going to the bathroom all over me.  Now the boys aren’t giggling and whispering so much as they are panting heavy.  Somewhere, sometime, the cute boy had put his shirt on.  The second boy who just picked himself off of the top of me is putting his shirt on and taking my right leg that the third boy has been holding.  
I am so tired at this point that it’s too hard for me to fight.  The boys are holding my legs up more than apart.  They all just keep talking to each other down by my vagina.  Not one has looked at me or said one word towards my face and if it weren’t for the pain, I cannot believe that this is happening.  I try to wake up from this nightmare…
ER: The woman gets her urine sample from me.  I’m frozen stiff with pain.  “OK Judith, we’re finished here,” and yanks out the tube from my urethra.  The shock of the dry burn makes me gasp for air in pain and arch my back – which brings back on all of the abdomen pain I’m originally in there for.  I don’t even feel the ladies release my legs.  Everyone just turns their backs to me and walks out.  The lady who collected the sample, takes my bed sheet and from my point of view, tosses it between my legs.  I squirm frantically to make sure I am covered only to cringe when I feel the wet spot left on the bed.  I turn over on my side and throw up into my vomit bag.
Cabin: The third boy is fucking me now.  He is the heaviest on top of me and the smallest inside of my of me.  His hand, like the other boys did, stays firmly pressed over my mouth.  At this point I don’t even know if I could scream.  He’s so much smaller than the other, two boys that I barely feel him inside of me.  It’s such a cold, wet mess down there – whatever am I going to tell my mom about the state of these sheets??  When the last boy goes to the bathroom all over me, I am out of oxygen.  Tears flow from my eyes, snot is all over my face, saliva is smeared all over my throat and neck.  I look down at my thighs; they have blood all over them.  I look up at the cute boy I spent everyday with this summer at the lake.  
He doesn’t look at my face, only my crotch.  As he takes the bed sheet and tosses it between my legs, he says, “Cover yourself up.  This is how adults have fun.”  After they all dressed and tiptoed out, I ran over, locked the door, looked out the windows to see if any of my parents, aunts, brother, cousins, grandparents were awake; every camper and tent were pitch dark.  The electricity was still out and it was still pouring rain.  Then, I ran over to the garbage can and threw up.   

Daily Prompt: Pep Rally

good time of year to get into this “habit”

A Bad Catholic’s Take on Catholicism

the only part about being a Catholic is that everyone thinks “we’re all the same.” just as many different colours of skin, so have i noticed there are “Catholics.” yes, we all believe the same, core belief otherwise we’d be, what? Jewish? i’ve yet to find 2 Catholics who have identical beliefs ~

keep scrubbing

keep scrubbing

everything is dirty. everything needs to be scrubbed. including myself. on my hands and knees, i start scrubbing. everything. floors. walls. woodwork. counters. appliances. doorknobs. everything is so dirty.
*he isn’t going to call you.*
scrub harder. get it cleaner. this house is a disaster, that is not how i was raised. everything is dirty. scrub the washer, put in laundry. scrub the dryer. remove the clothes. scrub the dryer again.
i feel the bleach cleanser burning into my hands, under my fingernails. good. clean. i need to be clean.
*you are just his whore. he’ll never see you anyway other than like today.*
scrubbing. scrubbing. everything must be scrubbed. finally, i scrub the bathtub and get ready enough to take a soak. it isn’t clean enough, scrub harder. when did this bathroom get so disgusting?? scrub harder. more bleach. the napkins i’ve stuffed up my nostrils keep my sinuses from burning.
now i clean myself. clean him off of me. scrub. scrub. scru….
*you’re a stupid whore. how old are you? you knew better. you only have yourself to blame this time.*
*he’s laughing at you…*
scrub harder…
*quit looking at your phone, he is never going to call…*
i’m so dirty. i can never get clean. i’m such an idiot.
~lay back gently into the soothing, warm water. relax. let the warmth wrap around your whole body. imagine it’s him holding you. just as i’m about to drift off, i look up and lock my eyes onto my daddy’s pistol that hangs on the shower rod:
~ then i notice how dirty the grout is. it really needs to be scrubbed ~

Official: Man’s death at Turner Field ruled a suicide

FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports

(CNN) — The death of a Georgia man who fell about 85 feet from an upper level of Atlanta’s Turner Field has been ruled a suicide, an official said.

Ronald Homer, 30, fell during a Braves-Phillies baseball game on August 12. The cause of death is blunt force trauma, according to the Fulton County Medical Examiner’s Office.

Betty Honey, an investigator with that office, said Thursday that Homer had taken his own life.

He had no other injuries besides those sustained as a result of his fall from the fourth level of the stadium shortly before 8:55 p.m. during a rain delay.

The game was scheduled to start at 7:10 p.m., but heavy rains pushed back the start time nearly two hours.

Homer’s was the second such death at an Atlanta sporting venue in the last year or so.

On August 31, 2012, a Tennessee fan died after falling about…

View original post 32 more words


i can’t believe that this is the nation who is going to take over the world!


Thousands of students in southern China have  been forced to sign a ‘suicide waiver’ before starting university.

More than 5,000 new pupils at the City College of Dongguan University of Technology in China’s Guangdong province have  been asked to sign a contract absolving the school of responsibility if any of  them commit suicide. This ‘student management and self-discipline agreement’ or suicide waiver also covers self-inflicted injuries.

With the largest population on Earth, a good education has long been seen as the only path to success in China. That said, experiencing quality higher education should be viewed as a pleasure as well as an honour. Education is supposed to broaden the mind, not just fill it! In a country without much of a sense of humour, students commit to studying up to 14 hours a day. Last year, one Chinese school sparked  outrage after using intravenous drips to boost pupils’ ability to  study. This regimented method of education…

View original post 61 more words